Recovery is largely about change. We are changing our beliefs, our habits, our controls, our lives. We are changing from a place of darkness to a place of living. Its a process which is far from easy. But, change… It is a good thing.
Change results in freedom. We can create freedom from all those sensations of sadness, anger, unhappiness, isolation, loneliness, fear and pain that our eating disorder gave us. We can form a life that is brimming with all we need to live happily – enjoying life as it is, in its own beauty. We can live knowing that everything will be all right.
To attain this, we must change. We must change small things, like how much ice cream we eat in a week; to big things, like how we see ourselves, whether we love ourselves. It involves taking small steps. Constantly. Change isn’t comfortable, nor is recovery, because they’re so very interlinked. Each step we take will add to the millions of other steps we’ve taken, to take us on a journey to a world in which we want to live.
I feel that sometimes in recovery, we become comfortable. For example, I was put on a low calorie meal plan by my dietician to begin with to turn things around without the risk of re-feeding syndrome (a complication with the metabolism which can occur if there is a sudden and significant calorific increase given to someone malnourished) and I became comfortable with this. I could cope with the set meal plan and not eating ‘too much’ and I wanted it to stay his way, so I resisted the changes in my meal plan. However, as time went on and I stopped gaining and began losing weight, I realised I could no longer sustain this. I had become too comfortable with it and it was time for change. That’s when I began looking at the Minnie Maud guidelines. I knew I needed to challenge myself and take a step.
I’m not saying that MM is the only way of challenging yourself, but if in recovery you are finding things are seeming fairly easy, ask yourself ‘Am I challenging myself enough? What can I crank up a notch?’, because who wants to be under the foot of their ED longer than they have to be?
Be honest with yourself. Are you changing enough? The last thing our ED wants is for us to change. That would mean it would be losing its ability to control us and what decisions we make. So, I see this as a good reason to change. Scare your ED and show it who is boss.
For me, I believe that no matter what steps we take to change, it will bring us to the greater good in life. This world is wonderful and no matter the direction I choose to take, it will result in something spectacular. I just can’t sit around feeling comfortable in my misery. There’s more to life than that.
The moment we take the plunge and decide to make a change, its amazing how things fall into place. Whether it is meeting someone who’s on a similar journey, or stumbling upon a brilliant opportunity or something completely different…we begin to open our eyes and change becomes easier, enjoyable and well worth the initial fear.
Remember to praise yourself for the transitional phase your going through. You are strong and powerful. You’re doing something incredible. So – Well done!
Its only change. I am safe. All is well.