Happy Wednesday people! (“On Wednesday’s, we wear pink”)
Today was my first day eating 2200… Almost DOUBLE my usual:O Scary stuff but, HEY, I’m here, alive and I’m OKAY. So big whoop for me! 😀
Oh, I forgot to mention, I had a Math exam too. Yah. Gah. Eeh.
It was an uber-stressful morning all round, so just give me a few moments to babble please…
6:30am : *ALARM BEEP BEEP BEEP* I roll over. I switch it off. I roll back. I sleep.
7:00am : I should probably wake up. Balls.
7:15 am: I realise that we have no bananas and start panicking because it messes up my breakfast plan. So I find a pancake recipe that looks okay-ish and find all the ingredients only to then realise its all too stressful.
7:30 am: I return to my original plan of chocolate oatmeal, just replacing the banana with extra hazelnuts and some more milk in my latte!
Actually looks kind of gross haha! It was sooo filling and yummy though. See my previous post for the recipe.
8:00 am: I’m still eating this pool of chocolate porridge and begin stressing about the fact I should be leaving the house for my exam.
8:15 am: Bags flying, keys jangling, shoes half on, hair half brushed and heart racing…I finally dash out the door.
8:30 am: Mum and I are blasting Caro Emerald, enjoying the sun and singing along in the car on the way to my exam.
8:45 am: We hit traffic. OH HEEELLLLLLL NO.
8:55 am: I arrive at college with anxieties high after briskly walking the last bit of the journey because it was faster than driving it. I couldn’t even run owing to my physical state of anorexia…
8:57 am: I manage to find the room for my exam and walk in, only to realise I have no idea where I am supposed to sit. I approach the exam invigilator, with a silent audience of fellow students who watch me say “I don’t know where I am supposed to be…” . She stares blankly at me, “Go and check the list. You should know.”. I shuffle awkwardly back through the army of desks and out the door where I begin to cry. A sweet teaching assistant approaches me and asks me what’s wrong… So I blubber a response and he helps me find my name of the list: D1. Guess where D1 is?! CENTER. FLIPPING. FRONT.
8:59 am: I am finally in my exam seat. Eyes already too puffy to focus on the paper.
9:00 am: The exam begins. I take a deep breath. Feel my feet on the ground. Close my eyes. Let my energy dissipate to the floor. I focus on my breath for a few moments and anchor myself. ‘its okay’.
10:30 am: The exams is over and it went okay, Not as brilliantly as the practice papers but still a cope-able level. I am trying to decrease the pressure on myself to be a perfectionist and just trying to accept that its okay not to achieve the best standard all the time.
10:31 am: I turn into an emotional wreck as the waves of stress hit me all at once; so I locate my bag and make my way through herds of chattering students to the toilets where I lock myself in the nearest stall and sob like a baby.
10:35 am: I make it out the car, face embellished with pink puffy-ness and salty tears. My mum gives me a seriously needed hug. Love my mum’s hugs!
So as you can see, I had a bit of a rollercoaster of a morning. On the plus side, I had a lovely day with my mum doing various things and successfully managed to indulge in some dark chocolate for my afternoon snack!
- Have you seen Mean Girls? Sorry, stupid question… How many times have you seen mean girls?
- What’s your verdict on dark chocolate?