The deep breath before the plunge

Welcome to my first post!

Let me set the scene…

It’s just turned 00:40 on the laptop’s clock, which is currently buzzing away in front of me while I lay on my bed, hot water bottle clutched to my chest. I have my first AS exam in about 8 hours time and yet I’m awake worrying about something totally different:

Tomorrow (or do I call it today?) I am upping my intake from 1200-1300 calories to 2200.

I am sh*tting it.

I have no idea what to expect….how I will cope…what it all means…blaaaaaaaaah. Gaaaaaaah. Aghhhhhhhh.

It all started when I discovered the Minnie Maude guidelines (see youreatopia.com for more information on this) and they really appealed to me as a method of recovery. I spent a week or so talking it over with my family and then spoke to my dietician. She was concerned that an increase to 3000, as the guidelines suggest, may result in re-feeding syndrome. Consequently, we agreed I would have 2200 this week; 2700 next week and 3000 the following week. I certainly am willing to avoid the risk of a cardiac arrest at all costs – thanks.

I am aware however that this means I will not initially be giving into any ‘extreme hunger’ as I will exceed my 2200 limit. This annoys me a little because I just want to take the plunge and just EAT but a) that would be physically harmful and b) i’m probably psychologically not strong enough yet.

So… Tomorrow will go as follows:

500 calories for Breakfast

600 calories for lunch

500 calories for dinner

AND 200 calories for each snack after each meal.

I spent the last hour deciding what I want for breakfast and decided on cocoa and hazelnut porridge. The recipe is designed by moi and I’ll let you know what I rate it, without being too biased of course…

1/2 cup Semi Skimmed Goats Milk
1/2 cup oats
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp. Cocoa Powder
1 large Banana sliced/mashed
1 tbsp. Raw Coconut Nectar (or use sugar or maple syrup)
7g chopped Hazelnuts

I will heat all the ingredients in a pan and stir until thickened. I may reserve some banana, nuts and nectar to serve! In addition, I will have 100ml of semi skimmed goat’s milk made into a cappuccino!

I guess part of me is very excited about tomorrow because I’ll actually be eating and indulging but my anorexia head is also whispering in my ear ‘you’re so disgusting for wanting to eat so much. You shouldn’t allow yourself. You’ll lose control and get FAT’. I must stay strong and determined. I can do this. I will do this. I deserve to eat. It’s okay.

Anywaaay. Its now 01:15 and I really should get some rest – got a big day ahead of me.

Here’s a cute image to lighten the mood:

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2 thoughts on “The deep breath before the plunge

  1. Pingback: …plunged into a pool of chocolate porridge | Stumble on Serendipity

  2. Pingback: A week of breakfasts! | Stumble on Serendipity

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